5 Observations of Love

You've probably already read my post yesterday regarding the overwhelming feelings of moving a step closer to understanding God's love. Tonight, I'd like to take a different approach on the same topic. Human relationships. I know I'm only 20 years old and barely know the tip of the iceberg when it comes to understanding true love. Feel free to disagree, but I simply want just show a quick glimpse of the things I've learned in my short life. Some things maybe I would appreciate different in my next relationship. Consider this a sneak peek into my personal journal. It doesn't necessarily have to be correct in everyone's opinion. Here are my 5 simple observations of love.


1) I'm tired of what I call "eye gazing" relationships. When two people are so absorbed into each other that they neglect their surroundings and sometimes even themselves. The infatuation of the other person is the meat of the relationship. The whole design and fuel of the relationship is basically based in emotions or feelings. I want a woman who isn't staring at me. I want a woman who is looking in the same direction with me. My dad's most common relationship advice he gives out for free is that your goal should been seeking God with your whole heart; you’re eyes should be set on Him. And one day you'll glance over and there will be a woman by your side seeking the same thing. Bingo father. It sounds so charming theoretically, but I am striving to make it real in my life. I don’t want a relationship anymore based on ‘eye gazing’, I want a woman who will hold my hand and run in the same direction with me. Who will trust me and grow in Christ with me.

2) Be careful what you specifically fall for in a woman or man. Everyone has been told since they were in middle school to not base relationships off looks. That's easy. Everyone knows we all end up wrinkly, old, and gray one day. But look even deeper. Personalities can change too. Personalities, similar to looks, should just be the initial attraction, but not the foundation. I've learned to seek out the heart, vision, and goals of people. I want to fall madly in love with my next girlfriend’s heart. Not her looks or personality. I want to have the same visions and love for other people as her. I don’t want to say, “You need to meet my girlfriend, she is such a cool person”. I want to say, “You need to meet my girlfriend, her heart is so on fire for God. She constantly pushes me to be a better man.”

3) Never convince yourself that you can change somebody by dating them. If you agree to date or marry someone with the hope or intention that they'll change eventually, than you are making a mistake my friend. I have a heart for broken people. I constantly find myself making goals to help "fix" a person or to make them better. People often come to me with their problems, and I fall for the person while I’m helping. But mixing love with this aspect of my heart is like fire and gasoline. A mentor just told me last week, "You've got to be a whole person before you can be someone else's half". It seems corny, but I finally see the importance of it. I desire a girl who is confident, who is dependent, and who is 'whole'. I don't want to date someone that I feel like I need to fix. I want 'iron sharpening iron'. Someone who pushes me out of my comfort zone. Someone who makes me grow, not someone who is constantly requiring fixing.

4) I want to model my relationship after Jesus' relationship with his bride, the church. We come nowhere close to being in a position to deserve God's love. Every day I mess up, yet he still shows me this grace with 'no strings attached'. He doesn't show me love and grace than tell me that I must pray for 3 consecutive hours if I want to make it up to Him. No way. I want a woman who has the mind of Christ and has the same philosophy of giving. If I buy a girl a necklace, yet in the back of my mind I'm expecting a gift next week in return; how valuable is the gift I'm giving? I want a relationship where no tabs are being kept or no expectations are demanded. I desire a complete selfless love, one that is content in only giving without receiving. And by content I mean happy. Happier giving than receiving. Yes that’s right. Are there any of these rare people still available?

5) I could really go on for pages, but I'll keep it concise so you won't have to drain so much time : ) I want a girl who loves God more than she loves me. Yes. I want to be her "number 2" as Pastor Craig, pastor at Lifechurch, calls it. I don’t want to be her number 1. I can't think of a more desirable relationship than when I can have confidence that my number 2 is adhering to God's calling on her life regardless of me. When someone is completely operating in God's will, is it not easier to trust them with your heart? Is it not easier to listen to them? I don't want to be in control of my next relationship. I want the responsibility of leading our relationship according to God's desires. I relinquish my attitude that I must be in absolute control of everything so that "nothing bad happens" or "it can't get messed up". I've learned the hard way. Now I'm ready to let God direct my plans and I'm excited for the opportunity to be with someone who is chasing after the same dream.

So there it is. It's not life changing advice or even that deep. But it's what I've learned in the last several months and it's what I have been praying for. I might not have everything figured out, but I feel like I'm on the right track for wisdom and I couldn't be happier.

P.S. Feel free to send out a link of this post and any single ladies who would be good fits : ) Only kidding!

1st Corinthians 13:4-12

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. 13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.