Determination: Facing Your Giant

I've never been the smartest student in any of my classes growing up. I was never a curve setter. And I certainly did not have the best ACT score in my graduating class. But one thing that I've never lacked is determination. Determination to at least compete with those "naturally" intelligent students. I also wouldn't consider myself average. I'm in a rare category of students in the academic world. I'm competitive, but only from studying an extra 5 hours a day that no one else is willing to do. That hard working attitude translated into my first ever 4.0 GPA my first year in college. There were times last year that I even reasoned that high school was more difficult than this whole college thing.

Then came sophomore year...

In the fall semester I hit my cliché "sophomore slump". My heart was in a war and my mind was exhausted. It was the first time in my life that I seemed to lose my character defining determination. Apathetic is the only adjective that could properly describe my attitude. I did not like any of my classes and had no vision. I remember just laying in bed wishing that Thanksgiving break and Christmas break would violate every physical law known to man and simply come sooner than usual. I slumped so badly that I questioned if I even wanted to be a college student anymore. After getting down on my knees and verbally telling God that I wasn't sure if I would make it through that semester, I got a huge kick in my butt. I didn't get the answer I was expecting. I wanted a peaceful God to lift me up in his lap and whisper in my ear that everything was going to be ok. Maybe just a little sympathy and a pat on the back. Nope. I didn't get the "mother" version of God. I got the "coach" version. I was told, "Stand up. Now is not the time to slack. I have much bigger plans for you than you have for yourself. Your attitude is not going to get you where I need you. Stephen, my son, declare pre-med. Go and be my hands".

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Right when I start thinking school is becoming repulsive; you want me to commit another 7 years to this sadistic institution? So I did what any normal, Christ following man would do: Went to my advisors and stated my vision and my new goals. A new desire is now burning deep inside of me. I had run out of my own will. I had used up everything in my tank, but now my fuel is unlimited. (Speaking of fuel, I incredibly miss Quick Trip. Never take it for granted Tulsans). Back on topic, now this passion to do my best is bigger and larger than ever. I've had two business advisors tell me that I really shouldn't do pre-med and still keep at my business degree at the same time. The work load is too intense. No one takes this route. I'm the only pre-med student in the entire Oklahoma State system that is getting a business undergrad degree. In other words, they think I'm crazy; but I see it as a necessary distinction. Their suggestions that I might be in over my head only intensify my fire. I love facing disbelief. And the reason why is the most important thing you can take away from this tremendous, well written blog post : )

Opportunity thrives when the odds are stacked against us. I know the initial shock of bad news or unfortunate circumstances can be overwhelming to our mentality on occasions. But when we observe our past, often our lowest points are God's highest points in our lives. God always seems to set the stage for his dramatic entrances. God could have written David's life to face a "giant" that was only a foot taller than he. Even then, the circumstances would have still favored the giant. But God knew David would have rejoiced that God "lent" him a hand in victory. This wouldn't satisfy our Lord. He purposefully made the odds in extreme favor for the giant. God made sure David was simply a shepherd. God made sure that the giant had defeated many men. God stacked the odds against David so severely, that after the giant was slain the only verbal words David could mutter would be, "This was completely and totally God. I could have never done this by myself". So this brings me to my conclusion, never let the enormity of our circumstances adjust our calling in our lives. When people tell you that you can't do something, be ecstatic because a seed is planted to prove the power of our incredible Lord. I can't wait to walk across the stage in Gallagher Iba Arena, with cords draping around my neck, a diploma in my right hand, and a medical school acceptance letter in my left. Then I can stare my advisor deep in the eyes and sincerely thank her for her disbelief. And leave her with the reminder that with God, all things are possible.

"It feels lighter today... Did I forget something?"