The invincibility of being a teenager has officially worn off. I've never realized how many fears I have. Whether rational or irrational. How would I handle a tragedy in my family? What if my long term plans don't work out? What if I never meet the "one"?
Trust me, I absolutely know the right answers to my questions. I know trusting in God will lead to the future written for me. I'm not saying I'm overwhelmed with doubt and fear. It's just that . . . It seems like I've taken many things for granted, without ever considering life without certain people or things. I've never considered what life might be like if I don't get my way. Will I be happy if life throws a Roy Halladay-esqe curve ball my way?
Ok, enough with the mellow dramatic blabber. Just a lot on my mind recently. Can't want until Thanksgiving Break.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Life Shaking Observation
What makes you get up every morning? What is it that motivates you to give 110% in all that you do? If you're like me, you were born lethargic. Every day you must conscientiously battle with your mind to be productive. The root cause is most likely my entire life I've depended on external factors to fuel my passion in life. If I'm not trying to impress someone with my hard work, I'm out to prove a sadistic professor wrong. I love the feeling of surpassing unrealistic expectations. I don't necessarily seek the award for my efforts, I'm one of those rare kids that gets the "impossible" problem right on the board and never raises my hand to declare my answer publicly. In the end, I really am satisfied inwardly when I know I'm trying my best to give God the glory. For twenty years, I've based all my dreams, hopes, and plans in the fact that I love God. I want to enter the mission field one day because my love for God is so abundant that it flows over to his creation. I want to do my best because I love God so much I would never want to disappoint him. Really for a majority of the things in my life, I want to do good in the world because I love God. In church we're taught that we should read our Bibles and pray because we love God so much and it's a way to express our devotion to him. We're taught to not cuss, lie, or have premarital sex because we love God. I say all this because the past week, God has placed a paradigm shattering idea in my spirit. I hope that it bothers you as much as it has bothered me:
What if the church has been fundamentally wrong?
What if our passion in life should NOT be based in our immense love for Christ? I think we can learn a lot from Peter, the disciple, from this worldview on life. Throughout the Gospel, Peter seems to make it most known that he loves Jesus more than anything in his life. We see in the book of John, the 21 chapter that Peter is almost offended that Jesus would question his undying love for Him:
I know that I've lived like Simon Peter for many years. Loving God with all my heart. And if God questioned my love for him three times in a row, I'm certain that it would hurt my feelings also. Because like Peter, I've derived the meaning of my life from the fact that I LOVE HIM. But, the closer I've grown in my walk, the more I've realized that the meaning of life should be branched into the underlying theme that Christ loves us! We are human. The motivation in all we do simply can't be based in our feelings for Christ. Let's face it; we all have days when we don't feel the Lord. And what happens if a Roman soldier asks us on those days if we are associated with Jesus? Does our life flow out of our belief that decisions should be made on the basis of our love for God?
Five times in the book of John, John refers to himself as, "The Beloved Disciple" or "The disciple whom Jesus loved". Don't you think that irritated the heck out of the other eleven disciples? I can just picture Peter, who publicly declares that he loves Jesus so abundantly, over hearing John talk about how much Jesus loves him. I'm sure Peter inwardly called John selfish. Wouldn't we all? Don't you get it John? We must love HIM. He is the Son of God. We dedicated our entire lives in service to show Him our love? My initial reaction is to side with Peter. But what God has recently placed in my heart is that maybe John had it right. We could spend our entire lives trying to prove to God we love him by our actions... but the fact is, nothing we could ever do would be sufficient repayment. It simply is not about our love for him. From this point on, my desire for the mission field, my desire for medical school, my desire to be a righteous person will be based in the fact that GOD loves ME. It's really the only basis we can place our passion in that we are certain will never fade away. When times get rough, the remembrance that God loves us will be the extra push to get us through. We don't have to try to disguise our blemishes or inequalities with this superficial cover up of "the measurement of our love for God". We get eternal life because he loved us enough to come make a sacrifice, not that we loved him enough to make a sacrifice. The latter will be a byproduct of shaping our lives around the principle that He loves us.
What if the church has been fundamentally wrong?
What if our passion in life should NOT be based in our immense love for Christ? I think we can learn a lot from Peter, the disciple, from this worldview on life. Throughout the Gospel, Peter seems to make it most known that he loves Jesus more than anything in his life. We see in the book of John, the 21 chapter that Peter is almost offended that Jesus would question his undying love for Him:
"15 When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me more than these?". "Yes, Lord," he said, "you know that I love you." Jesus said, "Feed my lambs." 16 Again Jesus said, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me?". He answered, "Yes, Lord, you know that I love you". Jesus said, "Take care of my sheep." 17 The third time he said to him, "Simon son of John, do you love me?" Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, "Do you love me?" He said, "Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you."
I know that I've lived like Simon Peter for many years. Loving God with all my heart. And if God questioned my love for him three times in a row, I'm certain that it would hurt my feelings also. Because like Peter, I've derived the meaning of my life from the fact that I LOVE HIM. But, the closer I've grown in my walk, the more I've realized that the meaning of life should be branched into the underlying theme that Christ loves us! We are human. The motivation in all we do simply can't be based in our feelings for Christ. Let's face it; we all have days when we don't feel the Lord. And what happens if a Roman soldier asks us on those days if we are associated with Jesus? Does our life flow out of our belief that decisions should be made on the basis of our love for God?
Five times in the book of John, John refers to himself as, "The Beloved Disciple" or "The disciple whom Jesus loved". Don't you think that irritated the heck out of the other eleven disciples? I can just picture Peter, who publicly declares that he loves Jesus so abundantly, over hearing John talk about how much Jesus loves him. I'm sure Peter inwardly called John selfish. Wouldn't we all? Don't you get it John? We must love HIM. He is the Son of God. We dedicated our entire lives in service to show Him our love? My initial reaction is to side with Peter. But what God has recently placed in my heart is that maybe John had it right. We could spend our entire lives trying to prove to God we love him by our actions... but the fact is, nothing we could ever do would be sufficient repayment. It simply is not about our love for him. From this point on, my desire for the mission field, my desire for medical school, my desire to be a righteous person will be based in the fact that GOD loves ME. It's really the only basis we can place our passion in that we are certain will never fade away. When times get rough, the remembrance that God loves us will be the extra push to get us through. We don't have to try to disguise our blemishes or inequalities with this superficial cover up of "the measurement of our love for God". We get eternal life because he loved us enough to come make a sacrifice, not that we loved him enough to make a sacrifice. The latter will be a byproduct of shaping our lives around the principle that He loves us.
Mark 14:66-68
66While Peter was below in the courtyard, one of the servant girls of the high priest came by. 67When she saw Peter warming himself, she looked closely at him. "You also were with that Nazarene, Jesus," she said. 68But he denied it. "I don't know or understand what you're talking about," he said, and went out into the entryway.
John 19:25-26
25Near the cross of Jesus stood his mother, his mother's sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. 26When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby...
Who persevered to be at the foot of the cross for Jesus' last breath? Who was denying his existence? Maybe we're on to something here.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
O-K-L-A-H-O-M-A.... STATE!
University of Oklahoma's medical school= A+
Next stop: Tomorrow at 2:00pm
Next stop: Tomorrow at 2:00pm
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Bleeding Orange
I suppose that the nature of this blog when I created it was to take you on the medical school journey with me. Sharing my perspective of the life of a pre-health student and hopefully as a medical student as well. I tend to get away from this topic very often as you know, but today I would like to take you a little farther in my adventure. For the most part, my opinions about a particular medical school are formulated around what their website advertises, how they treat me in my emails, and of course by ear. Today I will take a step forward in gaining a better perspective of one school by visiting the University of Oklahoma Health Sciences for their medical school "Open House" event. I've received tons of grief from my friends here in Stillwater for considering going to that "one place next to Oklahoma City", so I really don't need to hear more from you. Hah. I've decided against wearing my Ok. State shirt in case I happen to meet an admittance committee member... The little things matter when applying to medical school, ya know! I'll be taking a tour of their campus, hearing presentations from some of the professors, as well as having a Q&A session with current medical students. I've been conspiring to come up with a couple questions to stump them, any suggestions will be accepted. This has been the most stressful semester of my college career so I'm not positive when I'll find the time to update on how my experience went, but I'm going to try to soon. It's time to go make my future. Off to the evil empire!
“When it comes to the future, there are three kinds of people: those who let it happen, those who make it happen, and those who wonder what happened.”
-John M. Richardson, Jr.
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