Opportunity Not Missed

She was never the best the world has ever seen. She was never the most talented. She most certainly wasn't the best looking or most popular. And she was never really my "best friend" as many are to young boys or men. Regardless, I still love my dog. She has been a part of my life and our family since before I can really remember. We bought her the year I started kindergarten. I'm sure that there were other reasons (brothers and sisters), but at the time of bringing home our new puppy I had convinced my five year old mind that we purchased her to subside my fear of starting school. I can't remember very much of the fifth year of life, but the drive home with our new puppy has permanently engrained itself into the annals of my memory. We were all so excited to have a new puppy that we could not keep her in her kennel for the entire ride home. We quickly snatched her from her cage and just as quickly learned of her fear of riding in vehicles. Unlike most dogs, this one would never dream in a million years of possibly hanging her head out an open car window. Nope. She'd rather excessively drool over everything and pitifully wine as if we were morbidly torturing her physically and physiologically. I distinctly remember having puppy toe nails being dug two inches into my flesh, as if pretending to be a cat would make the car ride more enjoyable for her. The last memory I can recollect from my booster seat is the argument over what she should be named. After the siblings tossed out numerous names, my mother calmly stated from the front seat that her name will be "Mattie". And Mattie it was.

Growing up I honestly can't say that I couldn't wait to get home from school so I could play with "my" dog. She wasn't the center of my attention like most boys make their dogs. Maybe it was simply because she was being shared with a family of six. Looking back now though, I see how we inadvertently "grew" up together. When I played baseball I would take Mattie out in the Salvation Army football fields in the backyard and practice hitting. She would chase down all the balls and dart across the field to bring it back to me. If I would miss the ball a couple times in a row she would bark at me. I told myself she was trying to encourage me (although I realize now it was out of selfish frustration)! When I played soccer, Mattie would chase me all around the yard trying to steal the ball from me. It was a game of constant keep away. When I was too sick to play outside, Mattie would leave her true favorite (my mother) and cuddle up next to me on the couch. If I had to stay home from school by myself she would never let me leave her sight. Even when her favorite was home from work, if there was a sick child in the house Mattie would make sure they got better before returning to the heels of mother. I know it seems silly to say about a dog, but Mattie has a big heart.

You might be wondering why I've taken the time to write an entire blog post about an animal that means nothing to you. I suppose that I am writing this for myself to look back on in several years. I'm sure that through simple reasoning you can conclude that our dog is probably past her life expectancy. She is very old and has a plethora of health issues. I'm 20 years old now, which means Mattie has been a part of our family for almost 15 years. After seeing her struggle the past couple of weeks, it's caused me to take an introspective step back. I wish I had made Mattie my "best friend" from day one. As goofy as it sounds, we've gotten to spend a lot of time together the past year due to my parents taking about 19 vacations. I always joke about them leaving me with the high probability of having the death of our dog forever on my hands if she passes while I'm home alone. But in all seriousness, I absolutely love these times. She can't go chase down baseballs for me anymore, steal a soccer ball from me, or really do anything more than lie on the porch and eat fallen apples from our tree. Even with the physical limitations, I've been given the opportunity to call her "my" dog for a couple days. She sleeps with me and waits for me to come home from work. She follows me where ever I go. I wish I had realized the power a dog can have on a boy’s heart from the beginning. Mattie is the only dog that I've ever had. I am mature enough to accept reality that dogs die and it is not like they are biological family members. I probably could not have said this a couple years ago, but I think that I am going to deeply miss my first and only dog when the time comes. Probably shed a few tears with my mother as well. This is really a feeble attempt to express to you that the Cliffs really do own one of the world's greatest dogs. Mattie, I know the time is coming soon. I'm glad I've had the opportunity to see your value in my heart while you're still breathing.

"My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am."