5 Observations of Love

You've probably already read my post yesterday regarding the overwhelming feelings of moving a step closer to understanding God's love. Tonight, I'd like to take a different approach on the same topic. Human relationships. I know I'm only 20 years old and barely know the tip of the iceberg when it comes to understanding true love. Feel free to disagree, but I simply want just show a quick glimpse of the things I've learned in my short life. Some things maybe I would appreciate different in my next relationship. Consider this a sneak peek into my personal journal. It doesn't necessarily have to be correct in everyone's opinion. Here are my 5 simple observations of love.


1) I'm tired of what I call "eye gazing" relationships. When two people are so absorbed into each other that they neglect their surroundings and sometimes even themselves. The infatuation of the other person is the meat of the relationship. The whole design and fuel of the relationship is basically based in emotions or feelings. I want a woman who isn't staring at me. I want a woman who is looking in the same direction with me. My dad's most common relationship advice he gives out for free is that your goal should been seeking God with your whole heart; you’re eyes should be set on Him. And one day you'll glance over and there will be a woman by your side seeking the same thing. Bingo father. It sounds so charming theoretically, but I am striving to make it real in my life. I don’t want a relationship anymore based on ‘eye gazing’, I want a woman who will hold my hand and run in the same direction with me. Who will trust me and grow in Christ with me.

2) Be careful what you specifically fall for in a woman or man. Everyone has been told since they were in middle school to not base relationships off looks. That's easy. Everyone knows we all end up wrinkly, old, and gray one day. But look even deeper. Personalities can change too. Personalities, similar to looks, should just be the initial attraction, but not the foundation. I've learned to seek out the heart, vision, and goals of people. I want to fall madly in love with my next girlfriend’s heart. Not her looks or personality. I want to have the same visions and love for other people as her. I don’t want to say, “You need to meet my girlfriend, she is such a cool person”. I want to say, “You need to meet my girlfriend, her heart is so on fire for God. She constantly pushes me to be a better man.”

3) Never convince yourself that you can change somebody by dating them. If you agree to date or marry someone with the hope or intention that they'll change eventually, than you are making a mistake my friend. I have a heart for broken people. I constantly find myself making goals to help "fix" a person or to make them better. People often come to me with their problems, and I fall for the person while I’m helping. But mixing love with this aspect of my heart is like fire and gasoline. A mentor just told me last week, "You've got to be a whole person before you can be someone else's half". It seems corny, but I finally see the importance of it. I desire a girl who is confident, who is dependent, and who is 'whole'. I don't want to date someone that I feel like I need to fix. I want 'iron sharpening iron'. Someone who pushes me out of my comfort zone. Someone who makes me grow, not someone who is constantly requiring fixing.

4) I want to model my relationship after Jesus' relationship with his bride, the church. We come nowhere close to being in a position to deserve God's love. Every day I mess up, yet he still shows me this grace with 'no strings attached'. He doesn't show me love and grace than tell me that I must pray for 3 consecutive hours if I want to make it up to Him. No way. I want a woman who has the mind of Christ and has the same philosophy of giving. If I buy a girl a necklace, yet in the back of my mind I'm expecting a gift next week in return; how valuable is the gift I'm giving? I want a relationship where no tabs are being kept or no expectations are demanded. I desire a complete selfless love, one that is content in only giving without receiving. And by content I mean happy. Happier giving than receiving. Yes that’s right. Are there any of these rare people still available?

5) I could really go on for pages, but I'll keep it concise so you won't have to drain so much time : ) I want a girl who loves God more than she loves me. Yes. I want to be her "number 2" as Pastor Craig, pastor at Lifechurch, calls it. I don’t want to be her number 1. I can't think of a more desirable relationship than when I can have confidence that my number 2 is adhering to God's calling on her life regardless of me. When someone is completely operating in God's will, is it not easier to trust them with your heart? Is it not easier to listen to them? I don't want to be in control of my next relationship. I want the responsibility of leading our relationship according to God's desires. I relinquish my attitude that I must be in absolute control of everything so that "nothing bad happens" or "it can't get messed up". I've learned the hard way. Now I'm ready to let God direct my plans and I'm excited for the opportunity to be with someone who is chasing after the same dream.

So there it is. It's not life changing advice or even that deep. But it's what I've learned in the last several months and it's what I have been praying for. I might not have everything figured out, but I feel like I'm on the right track for wisdom and I couldn't be happier.

P.S. Feel free to send out a link of this post and any single ladies who would be good fits : ) Only kidding!

1st Corinthians 13:4-12

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. 13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Love

Oh yes, It's Valentine’s Day again. Like every year, it's that time when I hear all the single people complain about today being an over commercialized holiday designed for fake love and a brutal reminder that single people must be single for a specified reason. That's just ignorance. Ha, I just thought I could share my two cents on this topic of love that I've learned and experienced in the last several months. If you don't know my background, than this is the first Valentine's Day in a long time that I won't have someone to share it with. Ironically, this is the happiest I've ever been on Valentine’s Day. Not because my past valentines were insufficient or incompatible. They have been incredible people who have changed my life forever; but this Valentines season I have discovered a new level of love. A kind of love that should be spelled with a capital 'L'. A Love that has touched me in a way I never knew possible. God's Love for His children. An overwhelming sensation that no human could possibly provide for another human.


The last several months I've fought an intense mental war with the Devil. Let me be honest and tell you that I was not winning either. I let the enemy grab hold of my thoughts and manipulate them in ways I would have never imagined me believing. From several recommendations and the help of the Holy Spirit, Joyce Meyer's book Battlefield of the Mind landed on my lap. I'm sure you're wondering how a book about taking captive our thought and prayer life could possibly translate in a true, deep understanding of this Love that is available to all. I too am still wondering, but God sometimes works in mysterious ways and I'm incredibly thankful for it. Besides the fact I've made enormous strides in my mental battle, last night I was broken to the point of tears while I read because I drowned in His grace and Love. I firmly believe God used my willingness to reach to Him for help to fix more than one area in need. He saw the mess my mind has been in, but he also saw my broken heart as well.

I became submerged, for the first time, in this Love while reading Romans 8:35, 37. It reveals, “Who shall ever separate us from Christ's love? Shall suffering and affliction and tribulation? Or calamity and distress? Or persecution or hunger or destitution or peril or sword?" Then verse 37 says, "Yet amid all these things we are more than conquerors and gain a surpassing victory through Him who LOVED us." People, do you see the magnitude of this truth? Absolutely nothing can cease God's love for us. Nothing. The part the Holy Spirit really nailed me with is that we gain victory through Him who loved us. This is exactly what I needed. I have gained victory in my broken hearted love life, simply because He Loves me. It's that easy? I've been repaired and mended into a person stronger than ever before. I've been restored from a boy to a man. God's love and grace is greater than our minds can imagine. And when a sinful, ungrateful person like any human finally comprehends it, the physical body can not contain the overpowering emotion. It can happen in many ways and most often it arrives unexpected. I found this love, forgiveness, and grace through my broken heart and actively seeking out God. Others find it in different ways. My prayer for you is that you too will also have a personal experience with God's vast love and grace. I never knew our hearts and minds operated so closely together. Now I will never doubt the importance. Feel God's love today. Yes, even on Valentine’s Day.

Intramural Athletics

It's regretful that I'm well into my second year of college and just last week was the first organized sports I've been a part of since high school. I've spent most of my time in school studying, hanging out, and recuperating from the mental anguish that takes place week in and week out. Considering I've played some form of athletics every year since I was able to walk, it's been a strange break not being a part of a team. Well, this break has come to an end. The 'Oldschools' took the floor for the first time last Wednesday for my first intramural game of my collegiate career.

Unfortunately, I have too much integrity to simply lie and say we won by 20. We lost by 3 or 4 points in a game we were more than capable of winning by double digits. It was tons of fun though. I forgot how much I miss basketball. For the first time in 2 years, I had that rush of determination, anger, pride, and hustle that some people refer to as competitiveness. It felt wonderful. Almost like a release of stress and built up energy. Now, I can't stop thinking about basketball again. I just want a rematch in the playoffs. Ahhh yes, we will get you next time inferior foes; Stephen Cliff has rediscovered his fiery passion. It's all or nothing now. I might have 4 tough exams this coming week, but all I can currently think about is getting back on the floor. We've got something to prove. A goal at hand.

Now if I can just find a way to translate this focus...

Just Stop and Think

I had this brilliant idea today for an incredibly witty, humorous post about writing a resume for all the single ladies to look at and see if it's a match made in heaven. I've decided though, I might need a few more weeks to bring myself to it. Eventually though. But here is a little food for thought to think about the next couple days. First off, how many minutes are in a day? In a week? In a year? 1,440 minutes in a day, 10,080 minutes in a week, and 524,160 minutes in an entire year!!! I understand that our lives are packed with appointments, dates, and deadlines. I'm in college. Trust me, I know. I'm going to post this 15 minute video for anyone to watch. I ask that if you are not ultra-religious that you will still take 15 minutes out of the 1,440 each day gives you to watch. If it pleases you than watch it for intellectual reasons. With these simple 15 minutes, you can see the true meaning behind Christianity. The real picture of what the church should be like. Not the image that culture creates for the Church. I really hope that you'll spend the simple 15 minutes it will take to watch a video that could possibly change a life, or at least educate you on the "real" meaning of Christianity. Enjoy.

Smokin' Textbooks

As I walk up to the second story of Village-F, the bitter wind crawls in between the frames of my glasses, as if seeking for an open pour on my exposed face to attack with its harsh reality that summer is months away. I firmly squint my eyes and tighten my skin. The naturally formed smile does not reverberate the tossing emotions on the inside. The thought of the substantial amount of Chemistry homework that needs to be finished overbears my normal sense of peace and spunk. But Chemistry can only be completed after I read 2 required chapters from my Biology book. Come on Dr. Marley, why do you purposefully make your lectures not based from book material so that we will be required to read to succeed on our exams? But the thought of the immense school work isn't the only war raging on. The continual absence of sleep intoxicates my functionless brain to the point of mental and physical exhaustion. "Could this day get any better?", I sarcastically question myself.


I fumble around in my pocket for a few moments trying to grab the keys to let me in my dorm. I'm unfortunately reminded that arctic gusts can inversely affect one's patience. I finally find the right key to let me in from my bitter enemy. I'm relieved to be met by the loving warm heater of my minute, cramped dorm room. The 600 thread count sheets scream piercing requests for me to lie down and sleep, but the devil's temptation must be avoided. There is too much to do with too little time. No thank you. I sit down at my desk and for the first time, pull out my green covered, 20 pound "Biology. 4th edition" text book that I rented from Chegg. This textbook that tormented a helpless college soul just weeks before was now staring me in the face with disregard of my feelings. She threatens me that if I do not read her than I will never obtain my goals in life. I start to build up motivation after 45 seconds of silent glaring at my new nemesis. Now I must open the first page and start my long endeavor. As I flip open the tattered cover I am met with a gargantuan surprise. A dramatic surprise. A near death unexpected situation...

With the opening of the cover the smell of overpowering cigarette smoke burns the hairs of my nostrils killing thousands of cells along the way as it makes its path through my entire respiratory system. I frantically shut the cover to catch my escaped breath. My only conclusion is that the last student who rented this text book must have found a great use for an ash tray holder. I refute the thought that maybe God is sending me a sign to already change my major. I must read this book to pass. So I do the only plausible option: grab my expensive cologne bottle. The nasty stench of smoke is defeated by American Eagle's True cologne. Every handful of pages are sprayed. Now my mission is complete. Now I can finally start to read this book. Wait.... My favorite show just came on... Maybe later : )